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Writen 12-14-99. The experience happened 11-11-99.
by antron
DISCLAIMER: I know some people that read this work at/love FuncoLand. It's a great store with a nasty reputation for horrible employees. Not all of them are like that, but the vast majority are. This is just my personal experience, I'm not trying to bash all Funco employees, you get the point.
You've probably all heard about my HORRIBLE HORRIBLE Funcoland experience. Now I'll tell ya the entire story. It all started some rainy Friday night. My best friend and I were dropped off at a local mall by his dad. After picking up some munchies and surfin' the mall, we crossed the street to the Funco. When we walked in the place was almost completely empty, a group of kids had just left. My friend stood at the side of the corner near the Playstation stuff (don't worry, he likes NES too). Of course I went over towards the NES stuff. Here's a script of what happened, based entirely on my memory (no, I didn't take notes);
1- antron 2- antron's friend 3- assistant manager 4- manager
As I walk in, I see the MANAGER throwing a screwdriver ACROSS THE ROOM into the cardboard standups, walls and cielings. What a FREAK. People like that just need to take a pill.
1- Hey, do you have Wizards and Warriors?
4- For what system?
1- NES
4- What?
1- The original
4- Oh, that old thing?
1- That's right
4- You don't want that
1- Uhmm, yes I do
4- Those are really old, try Nintendo 64 or Playstation
1- Haven't you ever played the NES? It's awesome!
4- Yes I have played it. I grew up while it was good
1- So did I
4- And I got over it
1- YOU GOT OVER GREAT GAMEPLAY??
4- I've moved on to better systems
1- Whatever. So do you have Wizards and Warriors?
4- Nope
1- Do you have Double Dragon 3?
4- Nope
1- Do you have X game?
4- Nope
1- Do you have X game?
4- Nope
1- Do you have X game?
4- No we don't have that either
1- Do you have ANY games?
4- Yes, just the common ones
1- Do you have, let me think, Super Mario Bros?
4- WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU LITTLE SHIT? THAT'S THE MOST COMMON GAMES EVER. IF YOU ASK ANY MORE
RETARDED QUESTIONS I'M GONNA KICK YOU OUTTA HERE!!
1- Hahaha have a cow!
4- *gives me the middle finger*
[ Here, I flipped him off also, along with some colorful words ]
1- Anyway..
1- Ok, how about Blaster Master
4- Ye do not have Blaster Master
1- You didn't even look
4- Well I just know
1- What, did you memorize them all or something?
4- Yes
1- [Heheheheheh]
4- Ok, I'm going to write a note that says "NO!", and whenever you have a question, just look
at it.
1- simple enough, let me try it out;
does this guy have a life? NO!
will he ever make more than minimum wage? NO!
Well, you see how it went. All of the games I asked for, he didn't have? I think he was just to lazy to look. I mean, It's not like the shelves were bare, they were chuck full. I wasn't asking for all the rare ones either. Meanwhile, my friend was looking around, and here's where he comes in:
2- Hey, did you find anything? 1- They don't have ANY games that I've asked for 2- That sucks, they don't have any good PSX games which aren't overpriced 1- Typical 1- Do you have Bubble Bobble? 4- No we don't have it 3- But we DO have Bust a Move 4 for Playstation 1- Like I care 4- You should care 2- My friend here is trying to collect all of the NES games! 1- Yep 4- HAHAH, is that you lifetime goal or something? 1- It won't take my whole life 4- You stupid little kids.. 1 & 2- who are you calling stupid?? 4- I'm smarter than both of you combined 3- Yah, he is, even though he dropped out of high school 4- I dropped out of high school but I'm still smarter than you guys! 2- Is that so? 1- If you're sooo smart, what is the square root of negative 3 ?? 4- Ooh, I know that one..
Yeah right! This guy didn't know his right hand from his left, let alone a math problem. It sure became obvious that he had dropped out of high school. I gave him about a half a minute, by then his pee brain was soon to fry.
1- Too tough for you?
4- I know - it's 5
2- Hahaha NO
4- Math never was my best subject
2- Neither was common sense
3- That's a tough one.
4- OK guys the answer is NOTHING. You can't find the square root of a negative number
3- the hardest math problem that I've ever done was proving that 1 + 1 = 2
[ Oh no! not 1+1 !!!!!!!!! ]
2- hey look they have Metroid, I beat that game once
3- Do you think that we give a shit? We didn't ask you
2- You f?..
[ Insert 5-10 minute flame war ]
1- Ok, I just want to get some games
3- hurry up
[I read a bunch of games off the list, they didn't have ANY of them]
1- geesh, you guys have the crappiest selection of games ever
3- hey!$#@ were you just reading games off that list right down the row?!
1- No, I asked for the ones I was interested.
3- I don?t have time for this! I'm not your little game-finding slave!
1- Dude, it's your job
3- No it's not, I don't have to do this
4- STOP ASKING FOR GAMES!!!!!!
3- Ok, your guys' time is up. You've been in here too long without buying anything
1- What?!? Maybe if we could get some real service around here, we could get our games and
leave
3- GET OUT OF MY STORE RIGHT NOW!!!
2- You can't make us leave, we haven't done anything wrong
4- Oh yes we can. You leave this store right now, or I'll make you
1- I'd like to talk to the manager
4- I AM THE MANAGER
2- Yeah right
1- You're kidding me, right?
3- He is the manager, and I'm his assistant
1- You must have some superior, somebody to complain to
4- Nope
[ Now the other guy, the one that was throwing the screwdriver earlier, pulls out a big ole
military issue knife ]
2- Ooh nice knife
1- What are you doing?
4- I'll kill you if you ask for one more game
1- Is that a threat?
4- That's a promise
1- Man, I'm gonna call the cops. Where's your phone
3- It's right here, but customers aren't allowed to use it.
[ Right now, the assistant manager jumps over the counter and comes towards us. I shove him away, but he comes back and pushes my friend into the glass door! He hit it with his fist to stop himself, thus cracking the window! (serves them right). Then he pushes me outside with my friend, and closes the door. We stand outside for about a half minute, plotting, then walk right back in ]
4- You guys back again? 1- Yes, I just want to find one game, then I'll leave 4- You promise 1- Yes >;-) 3- You kids better not cause any more trouble 1- Do you have Godzilla? 4- IN MY PANTS! 1- UP YOUR ASS! 4- Hey? 1- Freak..
Well, the next game that I asked for, they actually had! I bought it, using my Funco club card. The guy said he gave me the discount? On the ride home, I looked at the receipt. NO DISCOUNT. That little bastard, ohwell, I wasn't going back their ever again.
