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I really don't usually mind about people who get POTW, but this week was kind of "different". Usually the POTW award is given to those who help newbies, and PLAY in games. This weeks winner was none other then HEAT's "Trivia King" Damoose. So how did he get this title? By playing in an unlimited number of hours of trivia. Which means, he hardly ever actually PLAYS in a game unless it is a rev or Prize Match. So why does a person who plays very little get POTW? Even though the average Heat users play all day and help newbies when they can, but get nothing. Doesn't seem fair to me.
Well, Hellcamp 4 is starting up! Let's see If HCC took my advice I mailed him telling him what to change. Anyways, I'm pretty sure most of you logged on HEAT on February 18th to see a HEATmail from HCC. It told about new changes and where you could sign up. I bet you rushed over to sign ups and started filling out the form, signing up for every game you heard of. Lying on your times, lying on everything to get a spot. Bet you thought you had a chance for a spot. Well, WRONG! Fact is, like most of Heat's events, they are rigged. Yep, I have information from various members of HEAT telling me they have gotten a E-mail from HPM (HCC) telling them that they had a "Guaranteed Ref spot". HPM sent these out to alot of members around 2-5 weeks before HC4 sign ups even started! HPM would give out the url for those special "chosen" to go sign up early. This was brought to my attention by many people. So this was used on alot of refs. I would predict that only 1 or 2 spots were open when sign ups became public. Like I sometimes do, I'm putting this challenge up. I MaskedCritic, hereby predict that AT LEAST 50% of the Hellcamp 4 refs will be in the Top 100 Degree Baron List.
Some people have contacted me saying that I should remove the POTW and Degree Baron winners, since those are "deserved" rewards. Well, in fact not all of the POTW and Degree Baron are "earned". Did you notice the player profile/POTW sequence? Well, first there was Pirates. One day he got in the Player Profiles, not but 2 or 3 days later he gets POTW. Now this rises just a tiny bit of suspiscion. But then the next week comes FunkAvenger to the Player Profiles. Then... POTW for FunkAvenger! Hmm, getting fishy here. Amazingly the next player profile didn't get the POTW, but I predict it wont be long until he does. But then comes along llamalady, got her profile. 2 days later, POTW! Getting into a conspiracy.....
Many people have told me that HTG (HeatTrophyGod) has not been answering ANY emails or heatmails. I personally know of at least 4 different people who have gotten many recommendations for Ring Of Fire. Do these people get HEATmailed back to schedule a game for the trophy? Do they get any response from HTG? Nope, none at all. So, it brings the question... How did fury69 and Tapewormz get the Ring Of Fire? Better yet, how did they get a match scheduled? On another note, I "heard through the grapevine" that a particular HEAT user is getting hooked-up with some trophies. You may not believe it but it is true. Some Heat users get trophies they don't even deserve! You know all of those "Gamestorm Affiliations"? 90% of them are held by users who NEVER used gamestorm.... EVER. Also, I know a user that has just recently received the Purple-Heart Trophy. Oh my.... wasn't this retired? Guess not. More like "Retired ( except for the favored users)".
Ever sit there forever and click ads constantly and not get anything but 10 degrees? Well if you have, then I would bet your a premium member. Wonder why? Well, remember the 100K ad click winner... He was a perimeter member. In fact 70% of all 40K ad click winners are perimeter. On another note.. There are tons of people that click ads, heat says that the ads are completely random... Well, that's not true. If the ads WERE random there would be next to no possible way for the same person to click two 40K ads. To my surprise 4 different people have gotten two 40K ads. And one person has even gotten THREE 40K ads....Random ad clicks..... bull$hit!
An expert at SIN, (we're not touching that one),
as well as a winner of a Brady Games Prize
Match and participant of the Q2 Intensor
Tournament, Frightener has been selected
for
this week's Player Of The Week honor. As a
man who changes his Legend as often as most people
change their underwear, and who has an extreme
passion
for hot links (not the food), Frightener
sets himself apart
from the rest of the HEAT community. He's a dedicated
fellow who spends all his time helping newbies
"stop being
newbies," participating in Prize Matches,
and maintaining
the Grim Fandango Network , and for that,
we applaud
him. With all that dedication and HEAT love,
how could we
NOT reward him with the awesome PREMIUM POTW
Bullet Trophy and 20,000 Degrees to spend any
way he
sees fit? And so, we say, here you go, Frightener!
Congrats for a job well done!
It's pretty bad when Heat doesn't have anything interesting to say about the POTW. What is even worse is when Heat has to waste space by saying "Winner of Brady Games Prize Match, and participant of Quake 2 Intensor tourney". I have not seen Heat ever mentioned a persons honors in their article (except Thunderhammer, or Ring Of fires). This clearly means that there just isn't anything "special" about why he won. But lets move on. next Heat points out all the Hot Links Frightener has. Can anyone see a pattern here? Since fright has alot of hot links does that make him stand out from everyone else? I don't think so. If it does, everyone go make a Hot Link of every game and page... Maybe then you might get POTW. Moving right along, Heat states that fright changes his legend very frequently. Have we seen this before? Yep, once again, nothing about fright to make him stand out as a POTW. Let's go on, shall we. Next heat comment up is showing that fright helps newbies. Now were talking, something that a POTW should do. But wait, there are TONS of people who help newbies. Im sure all of the HEATNewbieHelpers aren't POTW. So what makes fright so special that he gets POTW for helping newbies when about a hundred of others do too? Good question, but no answer from Heat. The only thing that makes fright unique is the website he maintains. Sure his website is very popular and well-known, but what does that have to do with Heat? Nothing. His page is not a Heat page, nor does it contain anything about Heat. So that can't be the reason for POTW. I particulary like the end comment from Heat that says "How could we NOT award Frightener POTW?". Even I can answer that question, which I just did with all the reasons above. The bottom line is that Heat awarded fright POTW because he sucks up to all the Heat reps, which in return got him noticed. Once they noticed him, it was downhill from their for fright. All he had to do is keep the suck up remarks and then easy POTW trophy. Hopefully next week Heat will award POTW to someone who actually deserves it.
Im sure alot of you were at the Army Men 2 prize match last week. Those of you who were, witnessed proof that the same people win all of the time.... How?.. That is the big question.
At around 7PM PST, the drawings began. First up was the Wicked 3D card. The winner was announced, Paljoey. Since I never seen this person's name come up, I thought the drawing was going to be fair for once. I was wrong. Next came two winners of the 56K Diamond Modems. The "lucky" winners were... DrNice and Funkavenger! Ok, ok, hold the boat here. DrNice and Funkavenger? Does this sound normal? Of course not. First we have Funkavenger. In just a few weeks, funk has gotten: Player profile, POTW, and HPM POTW. The next winner was DrNice. DrNice seems to be on a winning streak. In the past month DrNice has won two strategy guides in different prize matches, and now the 56k Diamond modem. Once again, doesn't seem normal.
Now here is the big
question. The next two prizes were the most anticipated. Yes, the RNA HOMEFREE
packs. The winners were announced... Warbreed2 and Malabogia! Now I'm not
even going to start on what these two have won in the past. What I am looking
at is the pair. Why do the two winners warbreed2 and malabogia sound familiar?
Actually, these were the two winners of the Ride Snowboards. Is this a
coincidence?
Usually I dont write
about how unfair specific winners are, but this time is an exception. The
way I see it, is I see tons and tons of people play in the prize match.
I am guessing there were around at least 200 in the drawing. I want to
know how, out of all the people entered, how those certain people win that
have won numerous prizes before. I am stumped on this, and I'm sure Heat
knows the answer.
You never can tell with warbreed. Every day it seems the story behind war gets bigger and bigger. What I am concentrating on, is the recognition he has been receiving. What has he done to earn all of it? Nothing big in my mind. Rumor has it, that war was responsible for creating the Newbie help program (which so far is a total bust), but that is it. Why not give this recognition to more important users who actually play on Heat and help the community (ex. ralph2)? Good question.
First, comes war's authorization to run the prize matches. Sounds normal doesn't it? Actually, no. It can lead to terrible things. For starters, heat prize people are getting paid to run the matches. If they rely on a user to run them and do their job, it will only lead to their carelessness of their jobs. Also, think about the sponsors of the Prizematches who pay tons of money to get their prizes awarded and name advertised. How would the sponsors like having an average Heat user give away their prizes? I bet they wouldn't.
Furthermore, I have heard that warbreed2 has been appointed as "Hellcampcapt". His job is to make sure the raids are taking place, and there are no problems. This sound familiar? What happened to HeatHellCampCommando? I could have sworn that was his job. Yep, once again War taking the jobs of the employees to lead to carelessness employees. Not only that, but I hear from various users that war is a "bad" ref. Having a large history of booting people from raids. Not the kind of person you want to run the show.
Finally comes War and his steady climbing of the Degree Baron list. How on earth is he climbing this list? He runs the prize matches, so he cant be earning any from trivia there or raids. He is also the Hellcampcapt which means that keeps him busy during Hellcamp. Resulting in ALOT less raids he can play in. Also, since he is an adult, he probably has a job. With a job it kind of makes it hard for someone to goto all the revs. But wait! The best part is War's profile! Quoted from his profile "I am the new King of HEAT, so bow down". Someone getting a little stuck on themselves. Looks like greed has turned a good person to bad once again. More on this subject to come. So keep checking back.
In many cases with Prize Matches are that the winners, aren't actually winners at all. How can this be possible, you ask. Well, it is as simple as the "winners" not getting the prizes they win. This seems to be the case with many people. Not only do they never recieve the prizes, but Heat officials promise them that it is on the way. Is this lies or just plain being unorganized?
This article focuses on a special story that happened to a certain user. This person won a nice little prize in one of the prize matches. Naturally he was excited by winnging, but he never expected having to write Heatmails pleading for his prize. In fact, he HAD to plead for his prize seeming he had not recieved it for 4 weeks after the date won. This is just the start of the roller-coaster ride Heat put him on. He later got Heatmailed back by the man in charge, claiming that the prize will arrive in one week. Two weeks later, no prize. He then saw fit to Heatmail the authorities and ask what was wrong. A few days later, his mail was replied to. Heat responded to him by saying that they have no records of him winning. Not only that but they asked him why he thought he had won. He then responded back explaining that he won, by providing the names of three witnesses. Heat then took his word for it, appollogized repeatedly, then promised it would be mailed out. To this day, no prize.
If this has happened
once, there has to be another case. If any of you winners have still not
recieved your prize after a long time period, email me and tell me about
it! Maybe if enough people speak up, something can be done.
Well, the normal winners have tried to explain to me that if you do certain things you can win. So, I decided to post how the winners win (from many winners comments) and see if anything changes.
First off, you have to attend the prize matches. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out, considering all the prizes are given out at the prize matches. You can't only just attend them, you have to play in a room with the sponsors name in it. Heat officials will check the rooms and write your name down for the drawing if your playing. The more times your name is in the drawing, the better chance you have to win. So play ALL 7 days. If you do not have the game featured in the Prize Match, do not worry. You can also play trivia in the special rooms labeled with the sponsors name (ex. Diamond Trivia). If you play trivia in these rooms, you also will get in the drawing.
Everyone try to get in the drawing all 7 days, and let's see if the winners list changes drastically.
The first lame trivia question I ever heard skivvies ask was not really a question at all. It was a "fill in the blank" question! That qualifies, in my book, as the lamest I have seen. The question was "I love my ______". Of course everyone started spamming like crazy. There could be just about anything that goes in that blank. After a long time of spamming skivvies just gave up and gave it to someone.
The lamest of all questions was probably the question skivvies asked after that other one. The hard intelligent question was "How many degrees do i have on my homebase?". Yep, you guessed it. It was MAJOR spam time. Not to mention the lameness of that question.
There are many many other lame questions from
skivvies and some other lame trivia holders, but I will hold them aside
for the time being.
WEll, naturally when you see this you expect an actually hard question. Therefore, you pull out your encyclopedia or search engine.
"Im thinking of a Hard HEAT question" HPP8260 announces.
"Don't think too hard you might bust your last brain cell" I added.
Then all of the sudden, he asks the "difficult" question.... Drum roll.... "What is the Feature Article now it sais?".
And yes, the question is written EXACTLY as he wrote it. First of all, half of us were stalled by trying to make sense of his English. Second, we had to discover that "sais" meant "says".
After I and others were disrupted by the confusing wording of the question, we all got pretty annoyed.
"Try some basic English classes" I added while still annoyed.
HPP8260 is the making of a true lame trivia holder, because he remained consistent with the terrible trivia. So to that, the story is ended... And remember, don't let the lame trivia holders get away with it!
Once hearing this I decided to stay and check it out. And the people where right. This trivia was L-A-M-E!
I hear alot of people getting angry saying things like "Your trivia sucks, do it right".
But then the lameness started. "Ok, for 1,000 Degrees. TOPIC:HEAT" (by the way, In my opinion, HEAT is the WORST trivia topic).
"QUESTION: What Hellcamp Event comes after Hellcamp 3?" He asked intelligently.
Almost instantly the room spammed with the answer "HellCamp 4".
Then all of the sudden FF777 calls out "The answer has no number in it".
The players in the room get extremely irritated and start answers like "Hellcamp IV" and "Hellcamp Spring"
After about 5 minutes of people spamming the same answer over and over, someone called out "Hellcamp Spring 99"
"Stop! He got it, the answer is Hellcamp Spring 99" The genius trivia host calls out.
This sent the room through the roof. Apparently, FF777 doesn't think "9"s qualify as numbers. Therefore, the answer he was looking for (without numbers) was "Hellcamp Spring 99". Makes sense right? Only if you ride the "short bus" to school.
One, his inflatable patented-brand Big
Breasted Bimbo of Pleasure, the other, his right hand. But his right
hand wasn't just any old hand, heavens no! His right hand was painted
with makeup. He gave it two of the deepest blue button eyes,
luscious red lipstick lips, and yellow yarn for hair. She was simply
gorgeous.
He named her... Rightina.
She was the talk of the town, everyone wanted her for a girlfriend,
but only the one man possessed the ability to charm the panties off
her and somehow keep her connected to his arm. Our very own
MC.
I often dreamed of being with Rightina, caressing her
soft palm, gently kissing her beautiful fingernails... but alas, MC
had won her heart, and I knew this.
But one fateful night, when Rightina laid in MC's bed, after a
rough night of "Find Mr. Winky," I crept up to the
bedroom window and proclaimed, "Rightina, you are as gorgeous, and
beautiful as everyone says you are. Will you not go out with me so I
can show you around the town and possibly loiter?"
I saw something in the bedroom move, and to the window
flocked Rightina, like a bat outta hell, and sayethed "Ah, tis you"
Yeah, I could tell MC's lips were moving, but I
didn't care, Rightina's glassy button blue eyes kept him entranced in
their beauty.
"Yes, tis me, my Speedo's and I were just wondering if you would
like to fly with me tonight, as I scan this disgusting, filthy city for
innocent bystanders to pummel."
"YES!" Rightina screamed, so I crawled up to the balcony to fetch
my date. I grabbed Rightina and we flew off, with MC hanging
out of my armpit. We flew and flew until we made it to a dirty rat
infested club in the red light downtown district. I could
tell she was impressed with his tastes.
"Let's go clubbin baby," I said with a wink in my eye,
and a crotch stuffed with Kleenex to make me appear "bigger."
"Alrighty doo," Rightina said before losing one of her eyes that
MC forgot to re-glue the night before. I thought she
had leprosy, but that didn't bother me, for I just superglued that
button right back onto her perty face.
All that night I kept on having chicks approach me and
blow their
noses in my crotch. "I'm a virtual babe magnet!" I shouted
throughout the bar. Rightina looked tired.
"What's the matter baby? You feelin tired or something?" I
asked with concern.
MC looked real sleepy, after all it
was 8 o'clock at night and he had school tomorrow.
Rightina perked up her head and said, "Yes, I have a curfew too, and
if I don't get back soon, my parents are gonna ground me from
playing Quake."
"No prob babe, let's blow this popsicle stand with genital herpes
sprinkles!" I left the bar with a WOOSH! and had an
idea. "Hey baby, why don't you and me head to the Spehgettio's
Factory for a tour of the facility before I take you back home?"
(No siler you can't use that. That's my pickup line for chicks at a
bar!)
"You can get into the Spehgettio's Factory?? Wow-"
"Yeah, I have connections babe, ya know I did save the Sphegettio's
Factory owner's son one time - until he died later of a brain
infection. I guess I shouldn't have poured sulfuric acid in his ear to
unclog it...."
"COOL!" Rightina said, anxious to see the Sphegettio's Factory in
all it's glory.
I was a little excited too, the last time I went there,
the Sphegettio's Factory guards wouldn't let me in saying, "What
are you doing back here? You're wanted for murder." I
figured they must be insane from having to smell O's 24/7. Fools.
So our brave super hero proceeded to fly down the chimney of the
Sphegettio's Factory. MC, still stuck to my armpit,
was now covered with silt, and coughing like a little weenie. We
landed next to the O's machine. "This is where they make O's."
"Oh," Rightina said with curiosity. Why I was swooning
her already! It was obvious that my knowledge of O making was
making Rightina's mind boggle
with questions.
"And this is where they make the sphegetti."
"Oh...." Rightina said as she tasted a bit of sauce.
"Here have more" I said as I plunged MC's hand
and arm into the scalding hot sauce.
"Yum," Rightina delighted, returning to the surface, with blisters all
over her face. MC turned bright red and I saw a tear coming
from his eye, but I didn't care, tonight was Rightina's and my night,
and nothing would spoil it!
"And this is where they make the meat," I said, watching the small
dogs fall into a meat grinder.
"They use dogs?" Rightina exclaimed with disgust.
"Yeah, but don't worry, they clean them with bleach before they
throw them in there to be ground."
"Oh, I thought they just threw them in there."
"What do you think this is? Some kind of sick dog grinding
unsanitary factory type place? Shame on you, you've disgraced the
sacred Sphegettio name! Why if you weren't so attractive, I'd kick
your butt right into that Sphegettio Reject vat where they keep all
the defect O's."
"I'm sorry!" Rightina said, I could tell MC was
getting scared. Probably from my tone of voice,
compounded with the fact he was going to get grounded from his
computer for a week for letting me court his hand. Oh
well, love sucks.
"Well, I better get going, I really have to go to the bathroom, and
quite frankly you're weird and perverted. I'd rather date an ox
with a bowel problem."
"Thanks, your kinda cute yourself," I said blushing.
So I swooshed away with my love to take her back to
her home... a love that was never meant to be... a love that I could
never attain, never squeeze orange juice from, a love that found me
disgusting, obnoxious, and nauseating. A love that I could never use
as a salt lick. Or never be able to stroll down the toxic sewer dump
and watch things float to the surface that scientists haven't
identified yet...
It's sad, and if your crying right now, I'm sorry. This story was a
little touchy, but it must be told! Twas my duty, nay! Twas my
calling in life to write this story. Plus the fact that
I've probably made MC sick. He's probably puking all over his
keyboard right now.
Heat- Was crazy Gary
really crazy?
According to heat,
we should click on every banner we see, do every
trick there is to
"try" to get 100,000 degrees and suck up to every
damn Ref we could
possibly suck up to. Now for most of us, this isn't
a problem, yet for
the few people with a bit of self respect left this
isn't an option.
Hmm... Lets say there are 100,000 people on heat,
active and inactive,
and lets say 50,000 of them click on banners each
day. Each person
click on a banner about 7 times each day maybe more,
so your actual chances
of ever winning a measly 100,000 degrees are
pretty weak.
In fact, if you consider one person winning a 100,000
degrees each 2 months,
multiply 30 days by 2 months by 50,000 people by
7 clicks makes 1 out
of 21,000,000 clicks ever winning 100,000 degrees.
Hmm, 1 out of
21,000,000... Thats less than winning the Texas state
lottery, and you only
get enough degrees to buy a $100 video card...
oooh much better than
winning at least 4 million bucks! Ok moving
on... to Premium
member appreciation week. Those premium members...
is there anything
they don't get? Ok lets see here, is heat a social
class society?
I believe so, consider this. Premium members get a
"gold" plated rocket
and the perimeter members get an exploding bomb.
Aren't these supposed
to be trophies, they should look like trophies.
I mean the premium
member trophy actually looks pretty good, but the
perimeter member trophy
isn't really a trophy, and I don't think it
even means that "we
are da bomb!". I think this "trophy" isn't a
trophy at all and
its just a way for Heat to mock us perimeter members
by saying die you
cheap b@$t@rds. Also, here is another thing that is
pretty weird, why
are the premium members have burning logos and us
"cheap" people only
have a frozen solid logo? Well this community is
called heat and heat
is recognized by being hot or being burnt. Well
well well... another
way for mocking the perimeter members. The
premium member appreciation
week assures the premium members will get
lots of degrees, will
participate in many fun events, and last of
all... no perimeters
to darken the mood(you can tell by the rooms that
only accept premium
members). Doesn't the premium members get to wager
degrees, buy things
from the heat store, and even get more degrees on
events(special holidays)
than perimeter members do? So, if you already
do all of these things
for the people who pay 5.95 for these services
why do you need to
make appreciate them? Well I looked at the
description in Heat's
website and it says "...so be a premium member
today, you still have
time!". Well I think Heat is going too far now,
they are doing practically
everything to get some money and there is no
stopping them, people
who get enough degrees aren't going to be able to
enjoy their degrees
until they are a premium member. I observed many
other things about
heat that bring out the money hungry people, but
there is no time to
tell you about them all. So in conclusion I think
making so many people
pay for services in a "free multiplayer
community", is hardly
the thing we expect. I guess CrazyGary wasn't
crazy at all when
he was in charge, but he can be considered "crazy"
now that he left this
money grabbing "free" community.
Critic Reporter MFB
This is CriticReporterBFG with another installment
of being a Hellcamp 4
Ref...
Well, I'm now beginning to see the return of the
kind of user we all love
to hate: the leech.
Do you remember the leech? This is a HEAT user
who wanders from Hellcamp
lobby to lobby looking for trivia degrees. They
have no intention of
playing the game, and in most cases don't even
own the game. A typical
conversation with a leech goes something like
this:
Dumbass: REF, trivia?
HellcampRef: I won't be doing trivia today.
Dumbass: WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY???????????????????????????????
HellcampRef: I normally do trivia when I've got
too many people to raid
with, when the network is bad, or I have a small
amount of degrees left
after raids.
Dumbass: Damn, that sux. Do trivia!
HellcampRef: Why don't you try another lobby, leech.
Dumbass: What's a leech?
<etc.>
The sad thing is, the leech can actually score
serious degrees from doing
this, especially if refs are doing Lame Ass Trivia.
EvilDarkAngel007 was
the original Master Leech, although I haven't
seen him around for a long
time, so one can only hope he's mended his errant
ways. Next week I'll be
including the names of any leeches who stop by
my lobby, so you can all
learn who to look out for.
There's also a special kind of leech who has developed
slightly more brain
cells (namely one or two) than our aforementioned
trivia leech. This
special leech has learned how to read and send
heatmail (!!!) and sends
messages to the ref asking for free degrees.
Here's a paraphrased letter I
received through heatmail earlier this week:
From: SWGamingFan (or some other stupid name,
I can't remember because I
deleted it due to being completely disgusted)
To: HeatHellCampRef
Subject: Hellcamp Degrees
Hey Ref,
I love Star Wars and you remember what it was
like being a newbie. So could
you give me some of your Hellcamp Degrees? I've
got some games I want to
buy from the BM. Just heatmail me back and tell
me how much...
Thanks!
<the original message was longer and had more
butt-kissing, but I deleted
the whole damn thing because it just made me
ill reading it>
As you see, this special leech has learned how
to beg for degrees both
online AND by heatmail! Well as long as I am
a ref, let me make one thing
perfectly clear: Hellcamp is NOT welfare! Don't
come to my lobby expecting
to kiss my ass and get paid. I love, and regularly
play the game that I was
assigned for HC IV, and I'll be damned if I'm
going to put up with leeches
begging in the lobbies and pissing off the people
who came to play! I'll
mute your sorry asses! Every last one!
This is CriticReporterBFG signing off (and no,
I still haven't made any of
HCC's meetings).
CRITIC REPORTER SLUG REPORTS:
How often does HEAT fail on awarding
your degrees for rev events? If you complain,
does HEAT repond and give
you what you deserve?
I'm sure ALL of you have faced this problem sometime
in your HEAT life.
And I know that even the "I-Love-Heat-no-matter-what"
people get pissed
because of this problem, they don't complain
because they want to keep
that "nice" image HEAT has of them. But this
is a very serious problem
that HEAT knows. One friday night chat the HEAT
people sworn to God that
their "automated rev event checker" was 100%
accurate. WE all know that
this is false. Even today we still get ripped
off of our degrees and
this is a plague that HEAT wont fix not now and
not ever. I for one have
gotten used to HEAT not giving me my degrees,
but the HEAT newbies that
expect to get their credit are not! More than
twice have I seen HEAT
newbies swearing the hell out of HEAT becuase
they didnt get their
degrees and these newbies are the ones that spread
the bad word about
HEAT.
I really hope that HEAT fixes this BIG problem.
We are sick and tired of
HEAT ripping us off our rev event degrees! Just
because HPM doesnt want
to hear our bitchin doesnt mean we can't be heard.
I have mailed pearson
and other HEAT guys about this and still I have
no response, I encourage
you to e-mail or heatmail HEAT about this problem
that affects us all
even the "favored" users (I think they get ripped
off too) One last
question, Do you really want to waste 1 hour
of your busy day for
nothing? OF COURSE NOT, I SURE HOPE
NOT
Comments :) criticreporter@hotmail.com
RUMOR OF THE DAY: I heard from
various sources that the heathellcampcapt, HPM's
err the commando's, new
assistant is our most loved HEAT user WARBREED2.
Score another one for
the suck-ups.
Forward of Heat message:
Original-From: goblin2
[GB2] Since i heard you need to have war's
work schedule he works thurs
friday and sat this week from 8pm to 8am called
night shift.....just so
you have the right info next time. If you want
to know next weeks
schedule just ask on Monday.....
[MG] Well it just so happens I used to play
a lot of rev events with
them, before Hogg came on the scene and turned
them greedy. He used to
work during the day but greed has forced him
to change his schedule to
nights just so he can appear in the prizematches.
Pretty sad for a 40
year old man.
Forward of Heat message:
Original-From: goblin2
[GB2] Not that it is any of your business
you jealous baby....but i
crashed and we were out of the game oh....about
3:15 and didn't get
degrees for war2....but my friend just remember
who teaches the people
to alt tab........funny it was YOU!!!!!!
Jealousy doesn't really suit you mystery, and
we dont' park...our
degrees are made mainly from prizematches..but
then again, I dont' have
to justify anything now or ever to you.....you
are acting like your 12
years old....doesn't suit you...
[MG] What does that have to do with
you two being the greediest
parkers online now? Let me see, it's 3:35 and
the rev event goes on for
another 25 minutes. How do you know degrees are
in and you can be
out of the game? Amazaing how you can alt-tab
your way through a day
[MG] So they claim I taught them to
alt-tab, not on your life.
DavidMCR beat me to that honor, whom they often
park with in a locked
room. I became aware of their parking & alt-tab
habits months ago during
a Monster Truck Madness 2 rev event. Halfway
through after kicking
Warbreeds ass every race he says that he has
to go to the bathroom. Of
course I say no problem. But in MTM2 when you
host it shows a player
ping bar. When you alt-tab it changes from blue
to red and skyrockets.
Now after 10 minutes I figure this guy must be
hella constipated. Then
all of a sudden he leaves the game. I leave too
and notice that degrees
are in and instantly use my locate button to
see if he might have been
disconnected. Nope, he was already in the next
rev event lobby. The son
of a bitch didn't even have the courtesy to say
he was leaving the game.
Hell, Hexen II has launching errors and doesn't
even allow a user to
connect to another which is why when I brought
this to heats attention
they took it off the rev schedule. If they don't
park just where the
hell are they.
[MG] Now this is going to seem funny but
its basic math for a normal
human being. She claims in her response that
Warbreed works from 8pm
until 8am. Also after our arguement in
help chat I found myself not
playing but sitting in the lobby of the 8pm rev
event. A regular parker
comes out and says degrees just came in. 5 seconds
later out comes
Warbreed and Goblin. Now, if he had to work at
8pm how could he be in a
game? Also, this brings to mind, did goblin get
disconnected yet again
when degrees came out? Funny thing is when she
said they didn't get
degrees for that warcraft2 event I just happen
to be on the degree baron
page at the time, refreshed it, low and behold
they both went up by not
only 1k from the rev but also about 100 degrees
from ad clicking as
well.
[MG] And now what sickens me the most about
Warbreed and his bitch is
that he thinks seriously he will get player of
the year!!! They already
got damoose POTW by constantly bombarding the
help chat techs and
emailing other heat employees and for what, his
abilty at trivia? I've
seen him in a couple games, he sux worse than
a newbie. THAT is why they
must be exposed and for all heat to see what
their true colors are.
Well There you have it. A couple of suck up lamers
that each day are
wining the hatred of all of HEAT. Mysterygamer
isnt the only one that
hates these S.O.B.s, many gamers have mailed
me and supported me in my
recent critics on them. I have tried to talk
to them but, like the rats
they are, they ignore me. But they can't ignore
the fact that they are
the most hated, and if people act nice to them
its because they want to
suck up and get POTW. Well Gob2 and War2, you
2 really know the
procedure to get POTW: suck up, do the techs
job, suck up, make other
heat morons suck up to you, park, suck up, ignore
HEAT's problems and
act like it is the best network around and finally
suck up some more. Do
this and I promise you that you will be POTW.
Theres a lot of oldschool
HEAT members that deserve POTW only for the sole
fact that they have
taken HEAT's shit for a long time. And these
members are the ones that
have the balls to tell HEAT whats wrong and how
they can fix it, yet
they dont get jack. Yes sir, if you still are
pissed with all the
magazines that give HEAT bad reviews, people
like WAR2 and GOB2 are the
reason HEAT sucks.
Hellblazer POTW??!! Who the hell is this mofo?!?
I would first like
to start by saying that I am really bummed that gary
left heat. He was
one of the few people that cared for HEAT and was
making this network
a "better" place. I hope the next CEO will rule HEAT
with an iron fist,
so that he can clean up scum like the Scribe, for
example.
Said that, lets move
on to the juicy stuff. Im starting a new series of
reports called : "The
jerks of HEAT.NET" Today's star is Frightener. The
second story will
contain miscellaneous info that you guys have been
sending me with your
e-mails.
Ok, if you've
been on the SIN lobby you probably heard of a Class-A
jerk called Frightener.
Jerk you say? Yes! this guy is an lpb that
gloats every time
he's ruling HPB newbies. Bravo! an LP BASTARD like
yourself owning HPB
newbies is a glorious triumph for you, Frightener.
This guy always acts
nice-nice when a HEAT rep is around, but as soon as
they turn their backs,
Frightener starts showing his true colors. I
encourage you to stop
by the SIN lobby and ask about this SOB. The
responses you will
get are very negative. Not only is this guy proud of
beating up newbies,
but he cheats as well. When I was in the SIN lobby,
HEAT user MRMAYER
told me a little secret. One day a friend of MRMAYER,
who is on a T1, was
playing a 1 on 1 with Frightener, when suddenly the
T1 user's ping skyrocketed
to 600! How can a T1 reach 600 ping you ask?
Well with a program
called Win Nuke, of course. All you have to do is
get the IP address
of your opponent and then watch him lag to hell. Now
you know the true
nature of this "SINer": a pussy LPB that doesn't know
how to lose.
Now I will talk about
some comments you guys have told me in your
e-mails and in my
trips down HEAT lane (You will al remain anonymous).
Do you remember when
HEAT said that they would give us 500k if we login
and play every day
of the year? Well it seems that good ol' HEAT is
ripping us off again.
A good number of you guys have told me that HEAT
had "Mysteriously"
forgotten that you in fact have logged in every day
of the year. Many
of you have e-mailed HEAT regarding this problem, but
as usual HEAT didn't
reply. I have my doubts that HEAT will award us the
500k they promised.
OK they will award it to all the cheap perimeters
and the "favored"
users. But to all of us that have the balls to tell
HEAT what they are
doing wrong and complain about the things they
promised to give,
can start considering the possibility that HEAT will
fail again. On another
note, many of you wanted me to post the way HEAT
or should I say IOMEGAMAN,
WARBREED2 and GOBLIN2 award the prize match
prizes. This is supposed
to be a random drawing of HEAT users but c'mon
we have seen the crap
that this has resulted into. Last week TAPEWORMZ
and CGOH won prizes!!
Yes TAPEZ won a MODEM and Cgoh won some shit.
These guys are never
in HEAT but they still win prizes!!! WTF?! This is
complete and utter
bullshit. HEAT should make a rule that says: "IF you
want to win a prize,
you have to be present at the time od the drawing"
75% of the winners
are never there, this shows that they don't care if
the get prizes or
not. People that are present are the only ones that
should get rewarded.
After all the are there taking the shit IO, WAR2
and GOBLIN2
are giving. All those guys deserve something (exept the
suck ups). Fortunately,
Pearson listened to my comments about heat users
running official HEAT
events and so far the SIN matches have been
"hosted" by the HEATprizepeople.
If you wonder why HEAT is rated so low
in magazine reviews,
the past prizematches were but a few examples of
the lack of character
of the HEAT reps. Please don't make this kind of
stupid mistakes again.
And once again I give KUDOS! to IOMEGAMAN,
WARBREED2 and GOBLIN2
keep on rocking you lamers. You rule!!
Warbeed2 for president!!
DEAR GOD.
Comments :) criticreporter@hotmail.com
P.S. 2 HEAT users(
jf and MG) caught the cute couple parking in warcraft
2. Now those are POTW's!!!!
Well Hellcamp 4 started,
unofficially, with all the refs meeting with the
hellcampcommando.
All was planed great, but the unorganized flop that
the commando protagonized
has me worried about how good this hellcamp
will be. Almost all
the pre-selected refs are hellcamp 1 veterans, this
can only be a good
thing because if this hellcamp fails, oh the shame
that will befall these
"reliable" refs will be hellish. On to the
meeting, the brilliant
commando started calling the refs into a room in
groups, so that he
could assign the refs their times and ref accounts.
Some people waited
a long time, and I think out fearless leader would
have made things easier
by just heatmailing the refs all the info; but
then again, this is
HEAT. I also dug up some dirt on DavidMcR. While I
was in this "meeting",
one of the refs told me that DavidMcR got booted
out of hellcamp because
he was telling a number of people who the refs
were and what was
the secret URL for pre-selected refs. Then HEAT had
mercy on his sorry
ass and accepted him back in. Well David, now I know
never to tell you
a secret. Well, lets just hope this hellcamp is better
than the last two.
Now on to the pathetic ending of the Unreal
prizematches.
Oh yes, this was by
far one of the lamest prizematches in HEAT history.
Where was HEATprizeteam
or HEATprizeman you ask? I do not know. But I do
know that the "humble"
warbreed2 was in charge of the whole event. Yes,
warbreed was even
in charge of the drawing!!! Now its kind of cool when
you are helping out
hosting raids, But running an official HEAT event
with no HEAT officials
is just too sad. No wonder HEAT is losing to
every network out
there, they don't even care for their own events. Now
lets not blame it
all on the HEAT reps, those suck up lamers like
warbreed have just
as much, if not more, part of the blame. I mean, why
on earth would you
host an event that the HEATprizepeople are getting
paid to do? I do not
know, why don't you ask WARBREED2? He will tell you.
The same goes to the
idiots that hang around all day in the help chat
*cough, Guanu, Blumax,cough,
Jedinite, cough*. While you morons help
out other players
(and don't get paid a salary in the process) the techs
just sit in their
chairs, scratching their balls and laughing at you
twits. After all they
still get paid, you don't!! I like helping newbies
every once in a while,
but just siting in a boring chat room doing
someone else's job
for free is just PATHETIC!. Well now back to the
prizematch drawing
of the prizes. Do the names Sullise and Larry83 ring
a bell? Yes, they
have won in the past weeks, and guess what? They did it
AGAIN! Sullise won
for the 3rd week in a row. Larry was spaming the hell
out of us, begging
to win heroes of might and magic 3, and he got it. I
guess spaming does
pay. The rest of the winners were stupid newbies that
never play and weren't
there at the time of the drawing. But wait there's
more. A lot of lamers,
like skivvies, were sucking up to WARBREED2 in
hopes of getting something.
Well you got something all right: a big di*k in
your word holes. After
all, you were sucking up.
In conclusion I would
like to thank the likes of WARBREED2, GUANU,
JEDINITE and BLUEMAX
for doing the techs job, you really deserve those
POTW's. Thanks for
making the HEAT techs more lazy and incompetent than
they already are.
Kudos for you all.
Questions, comments,
suggestions on a report you would like to see here,
send them to criticreporter@hotmail.com
I will answer all! Thanks, and see
you next time.
Do you ever read the
Bullhorn? If so, do you enjoy reading the articles?
Yes, I read them and
dislike them : 45%
No, I never read them
: 29%
Yes, I read and enjoy
them : 26%
Do you like TheCyberScribe's
writings?
Yes : 34%
No : 51%
Sometimes : 15%
Is the NewbieHelp program
worth it?
No : 60%
Yes : 28%
Maybe : 12%
Do you think the Holiday
winners were fake?
Yes (27) 63%
No Opinion (4) 9%
No (12) 28%
Who is the biggest
parker you know of?
======================================
1st -
kavorkian - 4 votes
2nd - DavidMcR - 3
Votes
3rd - fury69 - 2 Votes
3rd - Bismark - 2
Votes
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
mrmaj
hobittybag
hellzbound
bsod
paarsec
coolfroggy
riotclown
Vasjendas
jfenix
fubar4u
TekForce
oohwha
jimkyle
Who is the biggest
cheater you know?
=====================================
1st - Nightmarez -
2 Votes
1st - fury69 - 2 Votes
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
gotoxy
riotclown
ShadowWolf007
outlaw20
Xquisit
TekForce
Rayze
Who is the biggest
newbie you know?
=========================================
1st - EricTheRed -
2 Votes
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
darkthor
KaintheConqueror
Joe210
BigAL7
jamezzz
SniperWolfx
ShadowWolf007
DavidMcR
antonkill
Who deserves the Lame
Clan Award?
===============================
1st - Clan 569 - 3
Votes
2nd - Cobra - 2 Votes
2nd - PuF - 2 Votes
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Sham
VCR
Marauders
SoS
HaK
RP
The thief was interrupted during his daring escapade so he decided to make a run for it. Sprinting through the house and diving out the window he smashed earlier he got away clean from the police. Except for the finger he accidentally cut off on the sharp glass that was left protruding from the broken window.
Several hours later in a nearby hospital, the
police confronted the man who was being treated for a severed finger. The
police
questioned him as to the whereabouts of his missing
digit but he denied all knowledge of the break-in.
After finger printing him and the severed finger the man was both charged and re-united with his finger.
"We will not have him put down. Lucky is basically
a damn good guide dog," Ernst Gerber, a dog trainer from Wuppertal told
reporters. "He just needs a little brush-up on
some elementary skills, that's all." Gerber admitted to the press conference
that
Lucky, a German shepherd guide-dog for the blind,
had so far been responsible for the deaths of all four of his previous
owners. "I admit it's not an impressive record on paper. He led his first
owner in front of a bus, and the second off the end of a pier. He actually
pushed his third owner off a railway platform just as the Cologne to Frankfurt
express was approaching and he walked his fourth owner into heavy traffic,
before abandoning him and running away to safety. But, apart from epileptic
fits, he has a lovely temperament. And guide dogs are difficult to train
these days." Asked if Lucky's fifth owner would be told about his previous
record, Gerber replied: "No. It would make them nervous, and would make
Lucky nervous. And when Lucky gets nervous he's liable to do something
silly."
Whalley, B.C., Canada - A man from the Whalley area of Surrey, B.C. was "blown from [his] yard" after igniting a propane tankto explode, while sawing through it. The saw set off a spark, and the man was thrown clear into the street.
Although extremely foolish, the man was not injured. His wife, who was watching nearby, suffered singed hair and minor burns toher hands.
Surrey Fire Captain Marc Berube notes in retrospect that cutting or otherwise trying to dismantle propane tanks is " very hazardous to do". The explosion set off a fire that gutted the garage of the house and also damaged a neighbors house. The man is now looking at other, less potentially-fatal ways to make some extra cash.
The (Porsche) driver later explained, probably from a hospital bed, that he had been speeding along when he came up behind the road train, pulled out to overtake and to his amazement found the road narrowing ahead so cut in ahead of the lorry, unfortunately the rear end was clipped by the lorry which turned him sideways then plugged into the car.
The (lorry) driver claimed that he had appeared to hit a pothole in the road a few miles before he stopped which is why he stopped when he found a slight fault with the brakes.
Police and paramedics made an early morning call to a motel to free a man whose penis was caught in a swimming pool suction fitting.
A clerk at the Scottish Inn motel made a 911 call at 4:45AM Friday, saying the 33 year old man was trapped in the swimming pool.
"As I approached the man," a police officer wrote in his report, 'I could see his pants were down to his knees and his penis was stuck in a suction hole located on the north-side wall of the swimming pool." A police officer identified the man as Robert Scott Cheuvront of Lakeland.
The pool's pump was shut off before paramedics arrived, but the man still could not free himself because his penis had become swollen in the small hole that serves as part of the pool's filtration system. Paramedics inserted a lubricant around the suction fitting, and after about 40 minutes, authorities were able to free the man.
The man, who had rented a room at the motel, told police he had gone swimming around 12:30AM He was discovered more than four hours later. He was treated at Lakeland Regional Medical Center and released with bruised genitalia.
Man (don't remember the name...call him Joe) was selling his car, and prior the new buyer coming to get the car, he was cleaning it out a bit. He decided to siphon the gas out of the tank so the buyer wouldn't get a bunch of gas he hadn't paid for, and got the hose to do so.
Siphoning the gas was taking too long so he got a bright idea. He got his Wet/Dry vacuum and stuck the hose down the gasoline. Well, when that fuel met the electric motor in the cleaner, it started a fire which burned Joe's car, the garage it was in, and the attached house. Total loss, $100,000 damage.
He decided to receive pleasure from a Vacuum cleaner. The problem is when he stuck his member in, he experienced what could be best described as an experience every Jewish male child blocks from his memory. Currently, he is suing the manufacturer for not having a guard in front of the fan blade that performed the deed.
First, he stood up on the seat, and kept on holding
on to the handle bars, we all thought that this was pretty lame. So in
an effort
to impress us, he stood straight up on the seat,
and let go of the handle bars. The bike traveled a short distance, (a few
feet) and
then began to severely wobble. My friend meanwhile
is still standing on the seat, thinking that he is surfing or something.
Next, the bike fell over, and my friend went straight
up into the air. When he came down, he was in somewhat of a sitting
position. His legs were stretched out in front
of him. He landed on the bike, and I kid you not he got a bicycle pedal
enema. The
peddle ripped through his shorts, and went right
up his exhaust pipe. We were all watching him through eyes wide with unbelief.
After a few silent, stunned seconds, we started
laughing at him, we couldn't help ourselves.
My friend, crying with pain, pulled him self off
of the pedal, and started dancing around clutching his bottom. He was moaning,
"My ass, My ass, it's not funny, my ass....".
He picked up his bike, and "skipped" gingerly home, still moaning about
his rear-end. We did not see him for about two weeks after that wreck,
and I never did ask him if he went to see the doctor about it.
After 5 days, he couldn't take it any longer and began to yell for help.
***wait, it gets better***
When the police heard the calls coming from THEIR TRUNK, they opened up to find Fargus inside. The police car's trunk had been open for an investigation in the area of the deli 5 days earlier!
San Jose Mercury News
- An unidentified man, using a
shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's
windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the
gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
Hickory Daily Record
12/21/92 - A 47-year old man,
accidentally shot himself to death in December in
Newton, N.C., when, awakening to the sound of a ringing
telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but
grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson .38 Special, which
Next came, my other run in with Hells. I was in a game with a bunch of people and hells was in there also. Hells started complaining of lag, and asked me how to reduce it. I in turn told hells an illegal command that will get you ejected from the game. As you would guess, he used it and got kicked. This didn't happen once, but 4 times. Now comes the catchy part. It seemed to me that Hells was a little too easy at convincing to do newbie things. I knew something was up. I got to talking with some people and they claim that they heard hells asking everyone to send me an email electing him NOTW. Hmmm. This leads to one conclusion, Hellscamper is a minor account of someone who wanted to get NOTW. We have some weird people here. Anyways, there wasn't anyone who would qualify more of a newbie, so for NTOW.. hells it is.
"Hey, I got a good idea. Everyone click in and we can play a game!" Sees says.
Of course no one clicked in. One reason being, most didn't have the game. The other reason is because everyone was there to play trivia. Sees tries convincing everyone to click in and basically begged. Me and a few others decided to have some fun and trick sees. Three others and I clicked in and told sees we were ready to play.
"Ok, launching in a few seconds.. anyone else?" sees calls out.
Immediately after, we all unclicked.
"Hey, why dont you want to play?"
We repeated this one more time until sees got mad and left.
Trivia went on and ended, and it was time to move onto the next trivia room. I entered a trivia room and competed for the cheap 500 questions, then in came sees.
"Trivia is over! No one can win! It's not fair, trivia is over" sees spammed.
I don't know why sees said this, and what made him think that. Either way, he was booted from the room after about 30 seconds of pure spam. That ends it, and concludes the reason sees earned NOTW! Way to go!
Well, this claybob
is prolly the dumbest newbie I have seen in a while. I decided to make
a change of pace and play in the battlezone lobby. I was in a game getting
schooled by the battlezone regulars, when in came claybob. I didn't notice
him around until finally I see a ship just sitting in place and spinning.
I stopped real close by to claybob's ship and just watched him spin, while
trying to figure out what he was doing. Well, I was kind of low on the
frag count so I decided to end clay's spinning excitement with a couple
rockets, destroying his ship. We played on for a little bit and then clay
and his newbieness started.
"How do you chat in
here?" Clay asked.
This question sent
everyone in the game laughing at clay. No one thought anyone was stupid
enough to ask how to chat using chat.
"Im pressing control
C, can anyone hear me?" Clay went on.
"No clay, we cant hear
you" I told him while laughing.
"Oh damn, I think I
lost chat in the game" He continued.
Next thing I see is
"Claybob has left the game". By this time, everyone in the game was laughing
hysterically. Not but 45 seconds later, claybob comes in once again.
"Can anyone hear me
now?" Clay asked.
"No, no one can hear
you claybob" Someone answered.
"Damnit! I hate my
connection" Clay screams.
Now, I was wondering
if he was stupid enough to think he lost chat once again... INSIDE the
game. After about 30 seconds, claybob's last few brain cells kicked in.
"hey, wait a minute..
How you answer my question? You can hear me?"
"Is someone talking?
I cant see anything... no clay we cant hear you" I say.
A moment later, Claybob
left the game. He then entered about a minute later.
"Can anyone hear claybob?"
Clay asks.
"No clay, we cant hear
claybob" Another player calls out.
"Wait a second, you
morons could hear me the whole time?"
"yes, you idiot. You
cant lose chat inside the game. LOL" I answer.
"You people are mean,
Im leaving"
Well, clay left. This
doesn't end the story, however. I meet clay in the lobby just in time for
clay to ask the lobby (while people were waiting for Hellcamp)
"How do I save or load
a game in multiplayer?"
Just about everyone
laughed at him for asking this.
"You cant save or load
a game in multiplayer" A wannabe newbie helper answers.
"This game sucks, I
hate this game... Im not coming back" Clay states just before he leaves
the lobby.
That was the last I
saw of Claybob, but he still deserves the NOTW award. Congrats.
Well, this is a strange week for NOTW. Since I set no rules and there are no rules with NOTW. The winner this week is a past winner... None other then Jawseee! Now a 2-Time winner of NOTW! CONGRATS!
Many people asked me to retire the NOTW award to Jawsee. When I ran into him again, I saw why.
THE RUN IN WITH JAWSEEE
1
------------------------------
First of all, Jawsee
was spotted in the Quake 2 Lobby. He overheard one user boast about his
200K degrees in their homebase. When Jawseee saw this, he went on a spamming
spree.
"GIVE ME 5K DEGREES!!" Jaw spammed repeatedly.
After several people telling him to stop, and half of them muting him, he finally went to the next level.... Private Messages.
"Give me 5K degrees" he asks one user in a private message.
The user, being quite annoyed at jaw, decided to give him a scare.
"I am going to report you to Heat" He told jaw.
"Why? I didnt do anything. Can I have degrees?" He spammed.
"Heat says you are getting penalized, and have to pay everyone in the lobby 5,000 Degrees"
Since the lobby was Quake 2, and there were over 50 members in the lobby, Jaw's brain capacity exploded.
"NOOOO, Im sorry for spamming!!!! Sorry for asking for degrees!" Was the message Jaw flooded the lobby with.
After about 15 minutes, the "maskeduser" finally said "Jaw, I was kidding. Heat isn't going to give everyone your degrees".
"Whew! I was scared. Why did you trick me?" Jaw flooded a few times before ending the PM and leaving the lobby.
RUN IN WITH JAWSEEE
2
----------------------------
As everyone knows,
the Prize Matches are at 5PM PST. Well, at that time, in comes jawseee
to the Army Men prize match.
"When's the prize match?" Jaw spams.
Like always, no one likes a spammer. So, two users tell Jawsee "It has been moved to 10 PM".
No one figured Jaw would fall for this, but sure enough Jaw responded.
"OK, I WILL BE HERE", Then he left.
Well, to satisfy my curiosity. I come back to the lobby at 10 PM. I wait, and wait, and wait. When Im about to leave..... In comes Jawseee.
"WHERE's THE PRIZE MATCH? WHERE IS EVERYONE?" The newbie spams.
THE FINAL RUN IN WITH
JAWSEEE
---------------------------------
I was in a normal
game of trivia during the prize match, when in comes Jawseee. Jawseee had
a bad connection that day, so he was "red".
"What is the red circle by my name?" He asks repeatedly.
"It means you are lagging" One user answers.
"To fix it, press CTRL+ALT+DEL twice real fast" Another users responds.
"OK!" says Jaw.
Next thing we see is
"Jawseee has left the room".
Well, as always.. I was playing a normal game of Quake: Team Fortress and in came Dude212. Now just to catch up on things, dude was an "engineer". Engineers usually build turret guns. Only problem, the turret guns have a limited range. So dude, being the smart one, decided to put his gun out in the open of a huge space. Naturally everyone killed his guns with no trouble (not even getting touched). Dude obviously got irritated and switch teams (he figured that the other team couldn't kill his gun). The teams were already 4 vs 2 and dude joined the large team making it 5 vs 2. After others and I yelled at him to switch, he finally did.
He joined the opposite team and noticed that I was still on the same team.
"MC, you fag. you made me switch then you switched" he yelled.
This proves dude didn't have all of his marbles in the sack because I was on the same team the whole game. Anyways, I continued playing and noticed dude building a gun. I ran up to him, then shot a couple rockets at his head. Before the rocket hit, he finished building a gun. Then BOOM! Rockets hit him and the gun destroying the gnu and killing him. This made dude really mad. Dude jumped off his base after respawn and came at me with a fierce fury, like the pillsbury dough boy when he found out he was made of clay, and came shooting at me. I dodged his shots and killed him with two straight rockets.
"You gay Rocket Launcher user" He complained at me.
Everyone in the game laughed at him knowing he was a major newbie.
"I am a soldier, I am ONLY allowed to use Rocket Launcher" I explained to the mentally handicapped newbie.
"Shut up, your cheating with RL, stop using it"
I ignored the last remark and continued playing (and destroying dude's guns). Dude finally got too irritated and switched to my team.
Since I knew dude was a true NOTW, I decided to play with his mind. I switched to engineer and was his teammate. I followed him until he built a gun, I waited until he left, then jumped out of the shadow and dismantled his gun. A few minutes later dude returned. To his surprise, his gun was gone. He ran around the room looking in the corners, looking in the shadows for his gun. I guess he thought his gun would get up and walk away.
"Damn!!! I forgot where I put my gun!" Dude yelled out.
I followed dude on his search party, while laughing my a$$ off at him. After he ran through the WHOLE base, he finally gave up. He ran back to the main room and started building a gun. I hid until he left, then ran and dismantled his gun. He returned shortly and was surprised to find it gone.
"How are they killing my guns without getting killed?" the newbie asks.
"They are very good at this game, dude212" I responded while laughing at him.
Once again, I followed dude to his building spot and watched him build the gun. When he built it, I quickly ran in front of him and dismantled it.
"THAT IS WHAT IS HAPPENING!" Dude said, discovering my trick.
"DONT DO THAT!!"
"OK, I wont" I responded back.
He built another gun,
and like always, I dismantled it. This happened about 20 more times, until
dude finally got mad and left the game. THE END!
I decided to make a change of pace and play for a while in the Quake 2 lobby. I joined a nice large game and played for around 20 minutes when in came Jawsee. He seemed to have some skill, and no one expected he was a newbie. He played for about 15 minutes, then he notice me execute a rocket launch jump.
"How you do that?" He asked me.
I ignored him, thinking he was talking to someone else, but jaw didn't give up so easy. He spammed chat asking everyone how to perform a "rljump". No one responded to him, and he says to me "MC, teach me rljump".
I didn't answer him, because I was currently in some heavy battle.
"Jaw, come to the arena, I will show you" someone answered him.
"OK, I am almost there" He responded.
I immediately went to the arena and found a person just standing there. I ran up to him and I jawsee says "hi, don't shoot".
But my instincts took over and I fired a rail right through him.
"EVERYONE STOP PLAYING , NO ONE SHOOT" He called out.
Now there were around 13 players in that game and he was asking for everyone to just stop playing so one player could show him rljump. HA, that was never going to happen. And it didn't happen either.
"DON'T SHOOT, PLEASE TEACH ME" Jaw spammed over and over again.
"Ok, jaw. I will teach you" I said.
"Come to GL" he said falling in my trap.
I grabbed a rocket launcher on my way and when I got to Jaw, I immediately unloaded on rockets at him. He ran but was unsuccessful at getting away.
"DON'T SHOOT!!!! THAT WAS ME!!" He yelled.
"Oh, im sorry. Thought that was someone else" I said with my evil grin.
"Come back to GL jaw, I will teach you" I said.
"Im on my way"
He arrived and asked "Do you know how to rljump?".
"I don't know, Let me think" I said before shooting a rocket at his head and watching his guts go everywhere.
"Dangit, DON'T SHOOT NEXT TIME! Show me rljump"
"Oops jaw, I pressed fire on accident, come back" I said while laughing.
"By the way jaw, how long have you been playing quake 2?" I asked while he was on his way to where I was at.
"8 months" he responded.
I found this funny that he didn't know how to rljump after 8 months when I learned by myself after 1 week of quake 2.
He walked up beside me waiting for me to show him rljump.
"Show me" he said.
"I don't know how" I responded as I put a rail through him sending him to his misery.
"PLEASE , PLEASE" was the message Jaw spammed.
"OK jaw, I will show you" I said again, wondering if he was dumb enough to fall for it again.
And I was right. Jaw showed up at the spot where I was at and said "Hi"
I shot a grenade at him, killing him instantly and responded "bye".
"STOP IT, PLEASE!" He cried repeatedly.
"OK, jaw. all you do is look down and shoot a rocket" I told him (which was kind of true).
"OK, got it" he responded.
20 seconds later I see "Jawsee blew itself up". In fact, I saw it about 5 times in a row.
"I cant do it, Im messing up" He complained.
"Well, you don't do it 3 times in a row idiot." Another player responded back.
"You don't? that is my problem I think. Oh well, I cant do it. Im leaving. it's too hard to do" Jawsee said before he left the game for good.
That ends this weeks
NOTW. Great job Jawsee. Keep up the newbie work.
Well, as usual I was playing a nice normal game Team Fortress . I was playing sniper and enjoying the enemy team's heads roll off their shoulders after I put a bullet in it. But in comes groundshark and immediately he joins the opposite team and plays as a sniper. I saw that I had competition so I got ready for the newbie to stick his head out in the war. Minute he did, I lodged a bullet between his eyes. Now that shot wasn't just any shot, because after that. He lost his mind. Next time he came out, I immediately put my laser "X" on his forehead. Being the newbie that he is, he just stood completely still. Ii couldn't understand why he wasn't moving. Maybe he thought that if he stood still I would think he was dead. Or maybe he was admiring the bright red "x" on him. Either way I couldn't bear to just stand there so I let go of the trigger and his head went flying off. The next time I saw him he ran across the sniper deck and for some mystery he stopped. Quickly I put my sniper laser on his head, but he ignored it. He then started looking at the ground on top of his base. I couldn't figure out what he was doing so I jumped off my base and ran to the opposite team's fort and went to the top where Shark was. To my surprise he was still there. He was also still staring at the ground, beneath him was his old head that I shot off of him last time. I guess he couldn't understand how ugly he was. So I tried to get him out of his little "pow-wow" and stood where his old head was. He then looked up at me only to notice that I was an enemy. This startled him and he started running. He didn't get too far, because I quickly put a bullet in his back.
Well, we kept on playing in the crowded game and every time he showed his face outside of his fort I would respond by killing him. He apparently got irritated and switched to my team. I and others yelled at shark to get back on the other team because it was already unfair.
"No" the newbie yelled back.
He joined our team and played a spy. His intentions were to trick then kill me. He did not understand that you had to be on the opposite team to kill me. Anyway, he played as spy and turned his colors and skin to the opposite team. Naturally when I saw him, I shot at him. Seeing that he didn't die, I figured that we was a spy. But then shark comes up to me and starts shooting all he has got in my face. I stare back at him showing him that he was not even harming me. But that didn't convince him that I couldn't die. He fired all his ammo at me then pulled out his knife. He swung at me with it, and I took one step back making him miss. He swung again, I took another step back making him miss. This repeated about 10 times until shark's brain overloaded. He then launched a grenade and immediately ran to go pick it. When he tried to pick it up.. BOOM! The grenade killed him splattering his guts all over the wall.
"That was a nice play shark, but try fighting the other team. And don't pick up a grenade after you throw it. Those things don't recycle too well" I told him.
"STFU newbie. Im better then you. your a newbie. you suck" He responded.
"Ok, if I suck then get on other team and fight back" I challenged groundshark.
He went to the other team and joined as the forbidden class of pyro. He ignored everyone yelling at him, and continued playing. Right of the bat he went on a spamming spree, lagging the game considerably.
"Stop spamming newbie" were the usual calls from the veterans in the game.
"Shark, don't spam. you suck either way so save us the lag" I added with the crowd.
Shark responded back to me "No, you suck. I own you. I am going to lag you".
After about 20 min of everyone telling him to stop lagging, he tells us "I have the power to lag you all, so stop yelling!"
"Just leave groundshark, you suck at this game go play another" I tell him while being a little irritated.
"MC, you want lag? coming right up" He warns before he sends everyone's ping over 1,000. This was bad for us, but worse for him, because his ping was up to 8,000.
"MC, say Im the greatest player or more lag for all" He says.
"Groundshark... you are..." I say.
"Keep going..."
"Groundshark.. you are... the worst Quake-TF player I ever seen, and the biggest newbie"
"More lag coming right up" Shark says and once again sends the pings high.
Someone else in the game got extremely mad at this and crashed the server deliberately. Funny thing is, everyone thought groundshark did it. I returned to the lobby to see around 10 people cussing at groundshark.
"MC, is a newbie" was his only response.
"oh really, 1 on 1?" I asked while laughing at him.
"I have been on heat longer then you, your a newbie" He responded.
"You may not be a newbie to heat, but your a major newbie to Quake, now how about that 1 on 1?"
"I don't play newbies, I have to leave" shark said then disappeared.
Well, the newbie left and the story ends. Once again, way to go groundshark. You deserved NOTW.
Me and a few others
were about to play in a Sin raid hosted by Joe210.
The usual 5k cheapskate
raids HPT authorizes. The level was set and so
were the prizes. So
the raid booted up, omg, if that was not one of the
laggiest games I've
played. Well, after a grueling 7 minutes of play, we
were all glad the
raid was almost over. Then , out of no where, joe210
yelled, "everyone
out to the lobby". So everyone started saying "wtf?
WHY?" Then the brilliant
newbie says" everyone go to the lobby, no
degrees here", "I
forgot to lock the room so no degrees here" .
Naturally we were
all pissed, the game was laggy, and then this moron
yells something like
this. Almost everyone ignored him after a while,
the level ended, then
everyone said next level, "the raid went fine,
lets go". Then the
smart ass joe says "no degrees here, I forgot to lock,
to lobby". Well, I
think u can get it, this dimwit DEFINITELY deserves
to be awarded.
Well, I was playing in a nice game of Quake Team Fortress one day and in came SirJonathan. The room rules were made very clear , stating that there would be no pyros allowed to play due to the lag it causes. Due to SirJon's illiteracy he obviously did not understand, so he played as a pyro.
"Change your class, didn't you read the room rules? You newbie" were repeated calls from the other players.
"I am not a newbie!" Jon exclaimed.
"By the way, how do you change classes?" He asked us.
Now it was obvious he was a newbie. Any non-newbie would know how to change their class. Although he swore up and down that he was not a newbie, we all knew the truth.
The game went on for a while and to my suprise SirJon just played normal (for a newbie). When I thought this, his newbieness kicked in. After 30 kills of Jon trying to get past a turret gun built by one of my teammates (called a sentry), Jon switched teams and joined ours.
We asked him repeatedly what he was doing, after ordering him to return to his team. He ignored us as a typical newbie would. He ran right up to our team gun and dismantled it. He figured if he joined our team and took down the gun, then went back to his team. He would not have any more problems with it.
"Why the hell you do that?" said the angry gun builder.
"Im evening out the teams" jon says in his defense.
I think Jon couldn't count too well because the teams were already 4 vs 6. While still on our team he figured he could try to kill us without changing back to his team. Now Jon wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. He just couldn't understand why we were not dying. He would shoot at us while we just stared back at him. He finally figured out that you have to be on the opposite team to kill, so he switched back.
While he was switching, our team engineer built one of those evil turret guns. By the time Jon reached our base, he was surprised to see the gun blow him to pieces in seconds. Jon tried and tried, then tried again to kill the gun. After around 15 tries, he finally got irritated and accused our engineer of "cheating".
Jon finally gave up and figured it would be more fun to kill himself then letting the other team do it. So the intelligent Jon threw a grenade in the middle of a room and then went to try to pick it up. Ill be darned if the grenade didn't kill him every time. Jon thought it was fun I guess, because he did this about 10 more times.
Once again Jon decided to join our team and "try" to cause more trouble. He tried and destroy our guns, but our engineer was one step ahead of him. He ran up to the gun and began dismantling it, when he was about to destroy it, our engineer destroyed the gun in his face. Jon was baffled by this. He couldn't understand where the gun went, he looked around and looked some more. While he was confused, our engineer built another gun in a different place. Jon spotted the gun and immediately went to destroy it. When he got up to it... BOOM! The engineer exploded it once again in his face. Jon was really confused by now. His brain overloaded and he went on a killing spree. Unfortunately killing himself 90% of the time.
Now for some reason Jon lost his mind and started claiming he was the best player in our game. After hearing Jon say all of this, I got quite irritated and challenged him to a 1 on 1. He claimed he did not want to play because he had already killed me in the game. Of course Jon is still in the early grades of school, but I was sure he could figure that my 65 kills were dominating over his 3 kills. I can understand Jon hasn't grasped the concept of "addition". After all, 65 to 3... Hard call, which one is bigger?
After Jon's refusal to settle a newbie dispute "1 on 1" style, I decided to get him on one of my tricks. Jon was asking us how to change your color, so I being the quick thinker told Jon "Type this.... Fov 500" (For those of you who do not know, this command makes it look as if a wall actually close to you looks a mile away). Jon went crazy when he finally discovered that something was wrong with his screen. He asked and asked for help inside the game until someone finally was nice enough to fix it for him.
Well, that about ends it. Now SirJonathan is a special newbie, not just a dumb newbie. Or a annoying newbie, but he is both. And remember, Jon is equivalent to finger nails on a chalkboard. So congratulations again Jon. Wear the trophy proudly.
Paynekiller, a not so intelligent 10 year old, wonders his way into Quake Mods Lounge. Payne didn't have too good of a reputation. I guess if you run around shooting your teammates and lagging the game , you dont get on the good side of people. Anyways, Payne decided to join a game that I was already playing in. As usual this fine example of a real newbie, enters the game and starts lagging and shooting teammates. I however, was testing out my newly discovered vexing technique. I laid down the vex trick and boom! My score flew up to 976 and my colors went illegal colors. Paynekiller, being the observant 10 year old, asked me how I made my colors different.
I responded to him "Payne, you want to know?"
Anxiously he said, yes, falling right into my trap.
"Ok" I said.
"Type this is console... color 1 6"
Within seconds Paynekiller was removed from the game for illegally changing colors. Minutes later, he returns.
He says to me "It didn't work".
"It didn't, try it again. It worked for me" I said mischievously.
Not less then 20 seconds later, my screen read "Paynekiller has been kicked for changing color" . Now, by this time, I was laughing my a$$ off. As well as everyone else in the game. But, by gosh that payne dont give up. A minute later he returned.
I recovered from my laughing and asked payne "What are you typing.. EXACTLY".
"color 1 6" he says to me.
"Payne, not color 1 6.. color 6 1" I said wondering if he was dumb enough to do it again.
And I thought right... 10 seconds later. Payne was kicked from game. Now, at this time everyone in the game was laughing so hard. Many didn't think I could trick him yet again. But lack of faith in good 'ol me wont get you anywhere. Payne returned with a warm welcome of "You moron" from my fellow non-newbies in the game.
"Its not working" He tells me.
"Hmmmm payne, maybe you typed it wrong." I said while cracking up.
Then the light bulb in my head turned on and I asked payne "Wait did you type gamma gun first?"
"No, I typed color 6 1 " He responded , completely clueless of my intentions
"well there's your problem, type gamma gun" (for those of you who do not know, gamma gun is the command that makes your screen blank white and you cant see anything or change it unless you know the right command) .
Not but 15 seconds later Paynes screams out "My screen is white, I cant see anything!!!" .
Well at this point I was about to die from laughter. I mean this was hilarious! But its not over yet.. 20 minutes later I meet payne in the lobby. I spot him complaining about bad connection.
So me, being the quick thinker, told payne "Press ALT+F4, it reduces lag" . And then.. Well lets just say payne left the lobby for some unknown reason.
[DAVID] The penalty for parking on heat.net I heard was six months termination of account. I dont advise anyone to park in any game its not worth it.
[MC] If you had the chance take control of Heat for a day or two, what would you change or do?
[DAVID] I would eliminate the Degree barons List, because I see too many people tring to cheat it in many ways also it causes problems and jealousy make all awards on merit only like for instance the clan blast tournment trophys, barons club winners trophys, Degrees, and Hellcamp trophys, Etc....
[MC] Many people think that you have to be cheating degrees somehow, being #1 baron. What do you have to comment to these people with these views?
[DAVID] I played every single raid event 7 days a week 5-7 pst (or when ever they have it) for the past year and last summer every hour I could and every rev I haven't Cheated my way getting to #1 you can ask my personal friends of mine(their like family to me) and tell you no (or records of heat.net) I gotten most of my Degrees during Christmas (Prizematches) more than half of my Degrees.
[MC] Being #1 Degree Baron, have you gained more friends or more enemies? Why do you think so?
[DAVID] I dont have no enemies probably more friends, but some people may think their enemies but not enemies in my point of view.
[MC] Since it is proven that you used to park, but now do not. What made you change your ways?
[DAVID] Heat.net is a great gaming network I have lots of friends on the staff of heat.net I would never want to lose my account over parking.
[MC] What do you like the best about HEAT.NET?
[DAVID] Playing with my online-friends ,meeting new online-friends, reading heatmails from newbies, chatting, and helping them every way I can I recieve more than 5-10 newbies letters a day I answer everyone of them.My fav. thing on heat.net is making web pages and banner ads.
[MC] Have you ever been angry or annoyed at some way Heat has treated you or anyone else? If so, describe the incident.
[DAVID] Yes, It ticks me off when someone makes a room calls it DavidMcR's Parking lot I will report all such incidences when I see it.
[MC] Where do you see HEAT.NET in the future related to other gaming sites?
[DAVID] I see heat.net in future will be the best
on the net they need to work on a few things but, I think its the
best online gaming network on the net I spend lots of my time dedicated
to heat.net all of my friends where I live and my close relatives are members
of heat.net
[MC] This spot is provided for you to say anything
that is on your mind, and anything you want everyone to know.
[DAVID] Just for the record I have never ever
recieved POTW I only won two brady guides and im on heat.net 18 hours a
day on weekends. If u ever need any help from me just heatmail DavidMcR
or email me at davemcr@hotmail.com
why can't everyone just get along...?
